yea this was less of my real opinion (among other reasons, it’s obviously untenable, that’s not how learning works) and more of a self-deprecating description of my revealed behavior
it’s just scary becoming less dumb, and it always feels like i should just be doing my homework and lurking more before bothering others, but it’s not clear when that is supposed to end (hence “[tbd]”)
i sometimes ask qs and every instance is seared into my brain and felt terrible in the moment, but like it was helpful and i would have struggled myself so it’s cool, im still just really averse to it