Retrospectively, sex is probably the area I feel the worst about. There was too much pressure on her, whether it be from me or the environment, and it has really fucked her up. I’m incredibly sorry about that. Especially the weird times when we were “broken up” for a bit

College really marked a turn in the relationship. A big divide in activities, and no longer an excuse to see each other every day. I realize that the structure of high school allowed us to see each other consistently and in a way that didn’t feel like too much.

Planning that out intentionally is a lot more challenging. I wouldn’t want to do it because I didn’t want to do anything. She did most of the planning and resented that a lot. I’m still not sure about the solution, but I imagine it would have to be a change on my part.

But the other thing was that I just didn’t really enjoy spending time with her. Don’t get me wrong, if I had to be somewhere or had to be with anyone, I would want her there 100%. But the choice between being by myself and being with her was really hard for me.

I didn’t want to DO anything, and just hanging out wasn’t very interesting because I could be doing the same thing but with more freedom alone. She didn’t really want to talk about the same things I did, and that bothered me a lot.

I still love her though. And I probably will forever. I know she hated that philosophy for relationships but I feel confident about it. It’ll be a long time before we can talk. I am going to miss her a lot. Her stability,perspective, and experience were incredibly important to me