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Found Gail's picture in my wallet while grabbing my ID for a thing for school, along with an engraved note. I had really forgotten about those, definitely caught me off guard. I remember the arguments we would have about me not valuing her gifts properly.
My first instinct is to disagree, even looking back. But I'm also considering her last gifts of makeup products, and I'm not so sure. That was important and meaningful because we were having some issues with my gender and identity stuff, and it was a way of communicating that I
was still loved, valued, and supported. I'm not sure if I should apply the same level of significance to other gifts from her, and I know more effort went into some of them, like the engraved note with her handwriting. It was definitely an important way of her communicating, and
I think I didn't do a good job at understanding and receiving that communication. When I went to put the note and picture away in my safe, I found a box with a ring she got for me, and a folded paper heart from one of her other gifts.
She put a lot of weight into this stuff, and I think I struggled to understand or value the effort. For instance, the ring is super lowkey and simplistic, but also has an interesting texture, it's like my ideal and she knew it.
I think I didn't know how to feel because I don't really put much emphasis on products or items, but at the same time these gifts show an incredible attention to detail and a lot of time and effort. Not to mention the expense, a lot of these things could not have been cheap.
I'm also weird about money, but clearly it meant a lot to her even after I was not very receptive to her gifts repeatedly. I'm really not sure about how to think about any of this yet. I thought typing it out would help me get answers, but I'm still really unsure.
Either way, I think the relationship taught me a lot and is still challenging me. I still miss it, and it can be boring and constraining not to have someone to talk to about my thoughts and feelings. I'm not really in pain, it can just get dull or lacking without someone close