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I think reflecting on the last few days will be good for me and have made me think a lot. So the first thing is that school work motivation has been very lacking, much more severely than before. The cause is a little confusing though. I think it might have something to do with
Me doing the work for my markets class all in one burst because it’s basically all I enjoy. This makes learning fun for like two days out of the week and leaves the rest to be dismal and uninspiring to start. I might try spreading it out better this week.
The other major aspect had to do with overwatch starting a new season. I completed the 75 games needed for combined T500 (+10 open queue placements) in a very short period of time, and this was a lot considering I rarely play ranked seriously at all anymore.
I think there’s a lot of interesting stuff to unpack with this.
1. Why play? Why play all at once? Why now? Why stop after 75+10?
2. Understanding of how overwatch impacted my relationships
I think part 1 is easiest to address so I’ll start there. I started playing because it was a new season, and it was a good thing to be busy with to avoid schoolwork. Everyone does placements at the start of the season, and waiting too long makes people disgruntled when you play
With them. So I suppose that’s why I felt pressure to play right away, besides just the novelty of a new season. But why play at all? It’s one of the only games I have that I really enjoy and understand and keep coming back to. But that history is all kinda sunk cost now yknow?
I think I have enough justification to casually play the game, and ranked is just more fun than qp, so casually playing ranked is fine too. But why tryhard on main? I don’t want to go pro or anything, and relearning the meta live while interacting with pro ppl can be daunting
And embarrassing. I think I just have a lot of emotions tied up in the game, as holdover from my younger experiences growing up with it. Like I still have some bazaar ego around my main account, and it’s really weird. Like more than just comp points, I have the desire to be
GM by the end of the season. Like last season I played much more than 25 games of tank just so I could end GM even though it was an awful meta. Maybe it’s just a proving it to myself thing? But it feels very much social. Li ke I need to continually prove through the number
That I am proficient enough. For respect? Idk, it’s really odd and I don’t think I have anything else like this, and it feels really gross. Maybe it’s bc like interacting with low elo ppl are like :O wow and I wanna keep that up? Maybe just Isaiah? I’m really not sure.