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Even though I was aware of it while in the relationship, the extent to which I relied on Gail for a lot of various things hits hard when it’s gone. Despite sometimes being annoying, it was nice to be able to talk someone about my day, even if nothing really happened.
It definitely had its drawbacks, like me questioning my every move at times and monitoring my behavior because I knew I would have to justify it. That sucked. But talking through even mild challenges was nice to decompress and feel supported and like someone was interest.
At its best I felt understood and cared for. At its worst it was a nuisance and induced self consciousness (in the bad way). I’m trying to be fair and balanced in my description not to be rosy retrospection. I may be overly equivocating, obv the benefits were better,
Otherwise I wouldn’t have stuck around. And I think it’s reasonable to miss the nice parts without necessarily missing everything or even wanting it back.