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There’s this interesting contradiction I have where the thing most important to me is my mind and mental experience I’d say, like the things that primarily interest me are in that way, and often psychical things just get in my way and frustrate that more intellectual pursuit.
But at the same time there’s this intense desire for my body to look a certain way, almost like a prerequisite for my mental interests to be satisfied since the physical desires can ruin my intellectual mood. However, actually achieving the physical body I want involves limiting
Important things for intellectual function, bringing it to a standstill. So while I convince myself it’s a prerequisite, it’s more like a preclusion. That being said if I could just (lol) change my mental state to be okay with my body there would be no contradiction