.: "This morning I had a lot of experiences noticing other people and it made me feel lots of ways. First there was this very small and cute femme person that had really nice hair and like fuck sometimes i wanna feel and look like that yknow? very nice style, very clean, very small"

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I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I'd like to process and write down so I think I might just do that for a bit - probably just gonna make one giga vent thread

.@disheveled.diary.dreary.dev

This morning I had a lot of experiences noticing other people and it made me feel lots of ways. First there was this very small and cute femme person that had really nice hair and like fuck sometimes i wanna feel and look like that yknow? very nice style, very clean, very small

October 1, 2021 at 11:34 AM

sometimes its just hard feeling so large and I'd like to genuinely be cute not just like cute with a modifier like "cute for a guy" :/ anyway next there was this girl in my class that im like 98% sure is anorexic and idk lots of feelings seeing that

lots of jealousy, like small legs and thin fingers and really nice neck, very good skin :/ also this is a little new? at least me consciously thinking about but like a little bit of breast jealousy? like i want? but its weird bc i also very much like being flat and often feel

im not flat enough. I think probably similar to first girl where i want to be able to look like that sometimes but not always. feel very unfortunate to be trapped in my body

oh and also this has been happening for a bit but esp bad this morn, when i see guys with long hair but theyre like very masc it bothers me a lot lol. I think bc its a significant way for me to feel more feminine and then I just worry... i dont know what i worry about

like honestly it could just be me wanting to feel special and being annoyed, but idk there seems to be a bit more to it? but also i could just be rationalizing.

oh and to end people watching on a positive note i really do love seeing other college people that are super adventurous and cute with their style - in some ways I wish and want, but I also just really like being comfy more than anything and don't really feel the need to show off

to others, might just feel nice for myself tho. then again my body has many problems and im going doomer mode again so i will cut it off there lol - now i move to politics cringe that I was thinking about hehe

I dont think i tweet diary'd this but i read the stamped book that my mom has to use for curriculum and meh dude just fr meh meh. i just really hate the new age progressivism shit idk but specifically the passage at the start saying like "this is facts and real shit, not opinion"