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Oh in class I wrote a bunch about “getting over” (2 full pages of back and forth with myself) the conclusion I came to was that it’s basically fine to have lingering affections for someone that used to be in your life, as long as it 1) doesn’t interfere with other people,
Like for ex. current relationships being unhealthily influenced and oriented around appealing to the standard of the past relationship, 2) doesn’t interfere with the ex-relationship person, like if they have a boundary and you violate it because of your affection,
But with both 1) and 2) it’s important to recognize the difference between someone setting a boundary for themself that they don’t want you to cross and an illegitimate imposition on your actions
And 3) if it’s interfering with your ability to move on with your life, eg. “I can’t be happy with anyone but them”. Ofc it’s important to be self reflective and critical and make sure I’m not misleading myself, but I don’t think these really apply to my behavior and feelings
Which is actually pretty neat! There has been and probably will continue to be a bit of guilt and shame when positive feelings about Gail come up, but honestly I don’t see a reason why that should be the case. Which is actually super liberating!!! I don’t have to suppress my
Emotions and can enjoy the nice feelings without having to overthink it all :) very unique I think, like most people definitely wouldn’t consider that something that could possibly be a source of pleasure, but like! Why not! :)
I will continue to self reflect of course but I think it’s super freeing to understand that I have enough love to go around! And that arbitrarily limiting it is counter productive and sad. I can pursue new relationships and have nice feelings about past relationships as well
I think this case is pretty unique and there probably aren’t too many resources or others to relate to, but that’s also super fun too! I get to explore as I go without any preconceptions about how it’s supposed to look!
I know this is a super minor thing and these are like super fleeting moments that happen rarely so it might feel odd to dwell so much but it just feels really exciting to be exposed to new ways of experiencing connections with others, which is weird bc this is kinda a lack of
Connection? But yk I’m interested in RA and the potentialities of interpersonal relationships.
But yeah as a final thing just laying out the unique parameters that allow for this specific type of joy:
Previous relationship with emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy ending on positive terms and was initiated by the other person. Also the person in my position needs
To have the right type of disposition to be able to be ready to enjoy those type of feelings.