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idk if its anxiety or what but i go through these spouts where the thought of human interaction is actually sickening and i just never want to see anyone ever again. its really uncomfortable knowing that ill have to continue on and i desperately want to avoid it
and when these happen it feels like theres nothing to really look forward to in life like anything i do will just bring me pain and the rest of my existence will just be trying to limit the bad feelings
i dont have anything i really aspire to be and most of the joy i feel is weird and fleeting and just not worth the pain on the other side.
i dont want to think about the problems of the world, i dont want to fight, i dont want to interact, i sometimes think i want to go "home", where home isnt like a place but is more like a content state of mind, but that doesn't last long.
idk i dont really feel up to much, not much brings me joy, i guess im feeling a bit depressed. maybe im just a little more down than normal but idk. i dont really feel like living but dying is too much too. wishing for lack of experience maybe but not the process to get there
this sucks