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Also TOMORROW not tonight I wanna reflect on how carrd made me realize how fragmented my identity is with various relationships and communities
like i dont really want to mix my politics people with my gaming people with my school people and vice versa but thats pretty weird no? like i restrict an important peice of me wherever i go. there are personal friends that know about all these sides of me, but why do i keep so
much separate? with my relfections from walking home, i think its probably true that mixing them would be more interesting and engaging for both me and others, but theres this big fear of being judged or saying or doing the wrong thing, or being stereotyped based on the little
i say. like what if i bring up something and the response is just "oh. weird." and then its awkward or moves on to another thing. but like "what if" sucks lol and is of course not a good way to approach interactions
on one hand its just like well if they didnt like that thing about you, it would probably never work, but i dont know if its that simple. i guess i think its hard because its like the order of introducing things, and i always feel like i need to have more groundwork established
before introducing things that feel personal. but i hate "personal"!! i think its silly and weird and useless but that fear of being perceived as odd just really spooks me out.