Lately I’ve been feeling pretty “life is pointless” arc. Prob due to doing classes and thinking future. Which I mean sure life has no point is true, but also usually it’s about meaning we give it. But I’m actually not very interested in giving anything meaning.

Like I can’t explain how desperately I do not want to enter the labor market. But it’s other things too, like school sucks, I don’t want to create or produce anything, I have no real passions or interests that I’d like to pursue. I’m all trapped in this productivist shithole

The one thing I do kinda enjoy is learning and reading and sometimes discussing it, but yeah idk. Even that it’s like for what purpose? I’m too much of a coward to do anything with the beliefs I’m gathering. And that’s ok to be a coward I think, it’s just it again leads back to

Why should I do this or care. I can have moments of joy but I don’t really feel fulfilled. Which again is maybe ok, but then why keep going?

If life is just going to be so miserable and while I’m here I’m burdening others, then fuck it dude I should just leave. I’m not having fun, I want to head out.

And I don’t think it’s immoral to *commit not alive*, but again I’m a coward. So I’m just kinda stuck.