bsky.app/profile/did:... bsky.app/profile/did:... bsky.app/profile/did:... like sometimes i just say things because i think they're conceptually/hypothetically funny and then i get worried i give the wrong impressions.

and like concretely in this case, i'm bad right, i don't make anything special, i'm not prideful of my work, but i do want to be good, i get frustrated when i find something that works but lacks elegance, i get motivated and passionate about the modest and ugly things i do create, and embarrassed

when i make mistakes or don't understand something as much as i'd like. i admire greatness, and i'm incredibly fortunate that there's an abundance of it to go around in my circles. i don't want to simply be the conduit for some pathetic thing or dispassionately churn out uninspiring mediocrity.

i'm nearly certainly hardcore overthinking as usual, and this is clearly more of an issue of personal self-confidence and frustration with inadequacy; but that just makes it all the more awkward to even joke about, when i so clearly haven't earned it.

i'm fearful i won't be able to cultivate the right drives and powers to ever earn it, but i'm going to continue doing fun things when i can. i won't be great and that's fine, but at minimum i hope to be able participate.