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“the anxiety of influence”
frankly i have more anxiety about unconscious influence than the fact of influence at all, though i suppose i don’t create anything worth being anxious over
and the only reason i care about the unconscious part is that the influencing object might have shrouded ugly associations that introduce deficiencies in what i do, and it’d be nice to deliberate about those blights
i suppose there’s also a large constituent element that runs along the lines of being fearful of being unmasked by another. if i have foreknowledge i wont be blindsided and humiliated, the feeling goes