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every month that passes is another dialectical moment in the conversation “against articulation”
not the essay itself, the signifier has taken on a lot more meaning for me into a variety of discursive contexts
it’s hard to know when to best exercise my capacity for speech. sometimes it seems clearly best to wait until a higher degree of self-knowledge is obtained or for more propitious circumstances, other times it seems better to just stumble through
it’s extra difficult with online relationships, where the available interactive modes are circumscribed
hailey is a fun relationship in this context where there’s a mutual implicit recognition that chatting online doesn’t work so well for us, and we don’t feel pressured to try. but we don’t lack any warmth as a result, and can pick up whenever.
juliet is more complex, where i wouldn’t be content to let it sit there without contact. it’s not a matter of disinterest like it is for others. it’s this kind of gnawing desire to get it right and not having the ability to do so.
waiting on and on and on won’t do, so i guess for now the best option is meager expressions of interest and sentiment that are always slightly off-balance
i tell myself to give it time and that it will feel more natural eventually, i just don’t know how long i can wait, and it’s not clear what im waiting for, or if passivity is appropriate or erosive
i don’t think i’m going to arrive at general answers or define some new strategy, and that lack of codification is of course for the best. i’ll keep stumbling through, same as always