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i'm looking forward to going out tonight because i can tell i'm in that mood where i really really want to be social and compensate by writing things to myself and its unsatisfying and frankly a little humilating
theres something akin to identification with the agressor in that i recognize its failure and futility but retain this desperate adhesion to it
at least i can be grateful its to myself and that i dont have a following, that made it so much worse