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a not insignificant contributor to my recent malaise is due to danii convincingly reminding me of this last weekend
and the real despair is not so much about the work i do (although yknow, duh), it's more about not even seeing the appeal in the passions available to me anymore
why bother, why care to realize whatever potential i have. i just don't see the point. and then what am i left with? dissatisfaction with my current lot and no utopia left to envision
and to be clear the disappointment at that point is not about myself failing to live up to my potential, it's disappointment about the pursuits not living up to their potential
maybe that's suspiciously exculpatory but like have you seen the state of things?
maybe i wouldn't be so down about it at all if it felt like there were some meaningful community to contribute to or participate in, but right now it feels as if it would be entirely wasteful