We don’t have a great relationship, I’m not sure why you think me flatly and dryly acquiescing to saying “I love you” will fix anything.

Of course, this is partly me taking pleasure in the fact that I have something you can’t have and can’t control. Given my past of problematic applications of this desire for control, it’s fair to be a bit skeptical. But I don’t think that means I automatically have to do the opposite either.

To be more clear about “gradation and context”: the love in a casual reciprocal “love you too” is contextually (qualitatively?) different than the love expressed during a feeling of deep admiration, an appreciative response to laughter, or an intimate embrace.

This by no means implies one can give an exhaustive taxonomical account of all the various ways in which love can be deployed and affirmed.

As for gradation: I’m not sure if I can say I love anyone in the abstract. I love certain features of people, I proclaim love for people in certain contexts provided the right conditions, but it’s not at all clear that I could produce a list of those I love, even if capturing a temporal instant.

Point being: There is no categorical love to be in or outside of, there are a series of expressions with differential force and significance whose conditions are contextual all the way down.