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idk how to express this in a way that doesn't make me sound like a pseud but like i've been thinking about how history is comprised of a series of mundane events that are retrospectively given interpretive significance. viewing my actions in this light is devastating.
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i don't know how to characterize my current historical moment. the narrative mode seems inapt, so i've tried thinking about painting as a metaphor. what comes to mind is colorless and grey and a sputtering lifelessness. but somehow that feels not horrific enough.

i’ve been increasingly frustrated today with a lack of appropriate representational object to fixate and orient around. this is the best i can do for now.
alt text backfill: saya no uta, living room, colors