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its funny bc you can just own things and not be a crybaby grandstander narcissist about it. everyday violence and your complicity in it are banal - it would be more scandalous if the oppressive world-system you supposedly oppose left any nook free from stain.
the people under your boot don't care that you're having some deep inner turmoil about the affair. making yourself the center of attention is functionally identical to pathetically cowering from the uncomfortability of the truth. have enough humility and self-respect and live with the tension.