“deservingness” is a property that has always confused me, but for you the application comes naturally. you deserve happiness, you deserve love, you deserve effort. and you don’t need my judgement to know that.

you’re the strongest, most admirable person i’ve ever known, and endlessly i’m grateful for the time and care you selflessly gave me, far beyond what i deserved.

i want to say something like “i wish you had spent it on someone more worthwhile” but that isn’t true. i’m glad it was me. and i also can’t say “i wish i had acted differently” because i’m convinced i never had the potential to be what you needed. i just wish my benefit didn’t come at your expense.

we knew from the start i wasn’t really the right fit for you, and both kinda hoped i’d grow into it some day. that never happened. losing you helped a bit, but i’m still not in a place where i could truly fulfill you.

which is fine, of course. i’m well beyond the point in my life where i would consider amorous connections as a life purpose, at least not in the naive sense.

i don’t know, i don’t have anything insightful to say. i’m just tired, i miss you, i’m sorry, and i want to go home.