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The phrase, "who one actually is" does not mean "who one actually was all the time" but "whom one turned oneself into in the course of creating the taste by which one ended up judging oneself."
this is still too metaphysical for my taste, but it's not a bad start for those still tangled in authenticity
also citation is obvi rorty, contingency irony solidarity 99. felt apt to post given recent threads on the self. better expressions exist, but like i said the self-creative moment is a good latch for the uninitiated