through it painfully) was that escape from determinateness and understanding was just that negative moment but wasn't the last word. yes i was overwhelmed with assertions and bad dismemberments and impositions of legibility for others. but just rejecting those doesn't move you anywhere by itself,

it's just pure resistance. historically necessary resistance that i now feel ready to supersede, which is why this is an apt time to return to hegel

gonna take a break again. preface, §33

ah yes 33 talks about the need for what i described above a bit. but its kinda dancing between conceptions in a way that my (eg.s) were too fixed about i think

as in there are specific moments and processes of defamiliarization and refamiliarization that you can't really characterize some way of thinking of as a whole, it might contextually be one or the other

the one thing thats kinda sticking with me is philosophy as activity, like its not just that i have been rusty or out of practice but like, there was a kind of dogmatism to my thought that became fixed and uncontextual, continually rolled out, and the more it was repeated the more untrue it became