have thought about it ahead of time, and we could just chat things out. And part of me thinks, so what? if she disagreed with me and thought I was like the worst person in the world, thats her problem. but like i really dont want to be blinded by just having my personal bias

like despite it all being in the past and i wont act like that again, i think it would be nice to break it down and be forced to be confronted with that stuff. and the other thing is i think shes really smart and i respect her opinion when she spends the time on issues

that all being said, I know that closure is kinda just some elusive thing that doesn't really happen and I dont think this fairy tale will ever happen. 2022 will probably have some awkward texts, maybe we'll meet up once, but yeah idk. even if we do remain friends (dont see how

rn) I dont think we'll ever have that closure. which on one hand is like eh so what I have all sorts of relationships without closure, but yknow she was an important part of my life for an important time in my life.

i dont really know what to say, these threads always ramble. i miss her, and i wish relationships in our society weren't treated this way. but like given the context the relationship took place in, and how much it was informed by society, a full break up with big time gap was

necessary and inevitable. the only thing that would really suck is if those social standards played a large part in keeping us from being close after. but i mean its also possibly a good thing thatll force me to get other friends, like it would be maybe pretty boring not to have