165 :( holy fuck dude yikes

fucking disgusting

i joined a twitter call thing last night which is just like a public vc from ppl you follow and this one girl was talking about how her boyfriend was a lot taller than her and weighed less and ouch ouch ouch ouch

i know these ppl have very bad reactionary social positions but still it hurts, seriously this thing is really hard to let go of. i relapse all the fucking time its so annoying but looking like this is so much worse

i feel so fucking gross and the constant fluxuation is awful for my body i know and will also make it much harder to look the way i want to. its just so hard. im really stuck. i wish my body didn't have to correlate to healthy eating, and that lack of healthy eating didnt fuck

with so much other shit. Im so tired of fighting this off, i can't be happy no matter what i do. Its like the one area of my life where i feel this way. not to mention its so fucking weird to have like "eating disorder" thoughts but like my actions and behavior aren't really that