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actually i realize ive had chest stuff going on for a while, contrary to what i said the other day. i dont know if its really dysphoria, because that feels like a bit term and its not like that bad, but i mean there definitely has been a shift in my understanding and relationship
to my chest. I can often but not always interpret my chest as breasts? which is sorta weird that it is like modes of thinking, very conditioned by gender binary stuff. but yeah it feels really warm and nice to think of myself in that way, where normally i guess i just feel

very odd sorta thing idk if ive exactly got the right understanding yet, but im kinda maybe getting there? who knows
if i end up transitioning im gonna be upset at myself for not doing it sooner lmao "i could have had soft skin all this time grrr"