actually i realize ive had chest stuff going on for a while, contrary to what i said the other day. i dont know if its really dysphoria, because that feels like a bit term and its not like that bad, but i mean there definitely has been a shift in my understanding and relationship

to my chest. I can often but not always interpret my chest as breasts? which is sorta weird that it is like modes of thinking, very conditioned by gender binary stuff. but yeah it feels really warm and nice to think of myself in that way, where normally i guess i just feel

pretty neutral to negative about. so im not even sure if like envy of other's chest is like me actually wanting that, or just me wanting to able to have that warm feeling more often/all the time. where its like i can automatically see myself in the frame i want to

very odd sorta thing idk if ive exactly got the right understanding yet, but im kinda maybe getting there? who knows