Alt Text

HomeTimelineSearch
.
Out things I think are cute for ex. But that’s really hard to do right away with ppl bc I don’t wanna give wrong idea or uncomfy impression. So I kinda just construct personality I feel is more acceptable, but then I’m just… boring and not me at all
.
And ofc there is no “true” personality and it’s all created and mediated in variable social contexts but what I’m trying to say is that I intentionally alter how I present and it’s a way that I don’t love, but I don’t know how else
.
Like and I hate how the persons gender I’m talking to changes it. And ofc it’s partially on them too, like for instance I’m totally able to act like a bro when I’m around a guy acting that way, and while I hate it it’s also like fine whatever idc bc ig I’m used to
.
Much more comfortable role I can slip into given my socialization. But with cis women it’s sorta weird I feel for me. Like if I was more femme presenting I feel like I could get away with my less curated personality with compliments and such, but I worry about making ppl feel
show 1 reply
.
Uncomfy. Like I’m not even really interested in pursuing a relationship (platonic or “romantic”) with Maya for instance, it just bothers me that I don’t feel able to express myself.
.
Also interesting bc my personality will interact with other cis women in different ways. For instance there’s another cis woman in my class that’s in my opinion much more philosophically capable than others, so I’m much more willing to be critical and actually engage with her
.
Opinions/takes to the extent that upon reflection I worry she might think I’m being too harsh lol rip. But with most other ppl (basically all genders) I’ll just assume basic bitch zzz agreeable personality affirming everything
.
Idk if I have overall solution or final thoughts just some frustrations I’m feeling. One last note is that Maya has gender expression that I’m like fuuuuck sometimes I wish I look way more like (small figure, short, nice brown hair, piercings, clothes) which complicates yknow