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i know i cry a lot about everything and that kasey still has some reservations about the visit but
im just really looking forward to seeing hailey again
last time we were pretty silent from the curb through the lobby until her apartment, this time i don’t know if i’ll be able to hold back that long (though i know ill feel safer and more gratified if i do)
just imagining hugging her is filling me with fuller emotions than i’ve had all month, and i’m once again curled up and quietly sobbing. it will feel, in a weird sense, at home, i think. returning someplace safe i adore.
my first visit affected me a lot; i felt intensely and those old feelings are being resurfaced. a lot of complex things have happened since then, i know, but still. there was a special hailey i only got to see in person and if i get a glimmer of her again this time, ill be more than content
i can temper my expectations and i won’t make it more than it is etc etc, but what it is is enough and beautiful and important to me