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kasey will be confounded by why i repeatedly put myself in situations where i interact with people i don’t really enjoy that much, and usually the attribution is to me being an insane estrogen girlie or something, but there’s actually a lot of precedent
muen dragged me places all the time, i had a whole irl social circle for a year of work people, before that i interacted a ton with random discord people
the farthest i can trace it back to is the moment i decided i wanted to be social again finally after my long hibernation of post-gail breakup. at the time there was also this political/moral bent to it of like refraining from judgement
(think lia and all the things that should have been morally repugnant)
because i think before then i was very grumpy and opposed to unnecessary (think Reply To Dave personal time optimization). it’s not like i didn’t have friends, but if they weren’t related to my chosen hobby i didn’t care much about them. even the drama stuff that popped up i wasn’t too involved with
like geo beef, lava/scout/ani/wutt, i always kinda just observed and didn’t make an outspoken name for myself, i just wanted to play the game
i’ve previously understood/described the social toleration stuff in functional terms, like there’s a minimal amount of human interaction that i need to carry on, and that even underwhelming people can serve that function, but idk if that captures it all
hm this pattern is actually extremely prevalent in my past, socially tolerating people and situations i don’t like until i snap back into relative isolation. it happened with work friends (C exercise weekend) and discord randos (tons of ghosted dms after actual years of interaction)
and overwatch people (they keep up with one another in a server and the minute we weren’t a team anymore i stopped caring)
idrk if i have much to say about it rn other than it’s a repeated pattern. i think i got a little off track with overwatch ppl, or at least it’s a only tangential, because i did enjoy the direct time spent together, while the thing im describing is tolerating unwelcome/unenjoyable relationships
but that just reinforces my posited thesis that the furthest i can take it back to is that post-hibernation period. i think it’s interesting since that is the time i first sought out sociality for its own sake intentionally instead of letting it come to me
hm i actually think the discord example is more instructive than i thought, because that was during hibernation right? like that informed my way of approaching ppl, where i would entertain the interaction just to see what that person was like