this also fails to capture the nature of my rejection and the complicated aesthetic and affective relation i have to historical figures, methodological principles, personal motivations/dispositions, even argumentative rejoinders

in any case, formative immersion is just a difficult thing to shake. as cliche as it is, anarchism feels underdeveloped and naive, but for entirely opposite reasons than typically given.

ever since first becoming politically aware i've felt my adhesions to be gradually shifting directionally the same way, and whatever it is i'm expressing here, it doesn't feel like a violation of that trend

that's obviously a difficult thing to articulate and i'm not sure it's significant, beyond reassuring my ego

i think more than anything i just want to make it clear to myself that my rejection is not of the form "i think the state is good now actually" lol

it’s worth saying though because it demonstrates why i can feel alienated from anarchism and still be staunchly ardent on evaluations like this one