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i don’t think i have the right kind of unrequited feelings any longer to make gloria by mineral fit for me
i think i am proud of this
unsteady reciprocity? sure. intermittent anxiety? absolutely. emotional, clingy, reliant, immature? yea, often. but the admirative dependence and desire to relinquish myself to another are somewhat alien to me now.
maybe i just don’t trust anyone else for the task. which speaks to a certain disillusionment with the overestimations i’ve previously construed. by all means i will still wish for bold shoulders to hold my head, but i am my own clay, no one can take this from me.
i’m partial to the naive reading of gloria as concrete individual rather than the abstraction. because my glorias are not perfect nor silent, that makes glory a possibility for me to achieve on my own terms with their indirect support (although not in any sort of subordinate way, for i reciprocate)