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i'm incredibly reticent to write anything down or argue for something that i don't have a thorough background in, and that makes it really difficult to 1) form connection with others 2) learn from community 3) concretize my understanding. I suppose the last one is the problematic double edged sword
that i'm trying to avoid - "what if i reinforce an incorrect understanding?" though i'd be lying if i also wasn't hugely motivated by not appearing ignorant in front of others. i'm scared and cowardly and stupid as a result - and my interests appear even more narrow than they are because I'll only
be willing to talk about a small subset of them. idk i'm incredibly ambivalent about what to do with this, and I have been for a while, so i probably will just continue to not resolve it and be uncomfortable
i'm still really anxious about communicating anything actually, commenting, posting, any communication that isn't dming is actually incredibly uncomfortable and relatively new behavior for me (dming makes me uncomfy and anxious too but its a different kind)