i'm incredibly reticent to write anything down or argue for something that i don't have a thorough background in, and that makes it really difficult to 1) form connection with others 2) learn from community 3) concretize my understanding. I suppose the last one is the problematic double edged sword

that i'm trying to avoid - "what if i reinforce an incorrect understanding?" though i'd be lying if i also wasn't hugely motivated by not appearing ignorant in front of others. i'm scared and cowardly and stupid as a result - and my interests appear even more narrow than they are because I'll only

be willing to talk about a small subset of them. idk i'm incredibly ambivalent about what to do with this, and I have been for a while, so i probably will just continue to not resolve it and be uncomfortable