family had a storage issue with photos, i went to help out. found a bunch of pics of her and idk what to say.

i still miss her, i still love her, my heart is so heavy that every breath is burdensome. she's unbearably beautiful. melancholy, angst, reverence, admiration. lexical description is impossible for the subdued mourning yet screaming agony i feel.

those sound like big emotions but i really just feel small. i'm diminutive, quaint, delicate, timid. i'm aware i'm deifying, mythologizing, i can't help myself. i can't imagine a similar connection with anyone, nor am i seeking it.

i can't even really say i'm longing for the time we had, i did my best to make it miserable and often succeeded. but i do miss and revere her.