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Not quite sure how to evaluate whether or not it’s something I’d like to change. It causes problems for sure: 1) I don’t meet the consistency requirements most people have for significant relationships in their lives. I can still care about or love someone but if I’m at a phase in my cycles where
I’m not obsessing/infatuated/excited by/fixating on them, they can often feel neglected or frustrated. The alternative seems incredibly difficult though, if I’m not currently super interested in you, why force it? It doesn’t mean I love you any less, I’ve just got other stuff right now.
That was phrased kinda misleadingly. It’s not so much that new shiny things have my attention as much as it is that I kinda need a lot of space and time for myself frequently. But yeah still I can see how that would be annoying for many to be on the receiving end of.
Which is related to 2) I can burn out pretty quickly. I’ll be obsessed with a thing for a short burst, where it’s all consuming and my life and thoughts revolve around that thing, and then one day I’ll decide “ok I’ve had enough of that for now” and there’s not always a follow-up thing to replace it
3) On the flip side, it can be super off-putting to be on the receiving end of so much attention all at once. It’s obsessive, it’s uncomfortable, it’s too much pressure and responsibility. And once the spell breaks and my cyclical obsession lapses, it can make 1) all the more confusing and hurtful.
Clearly this one doesn’t really matter for hobbies I get attached to, since they usually don’t care too much, as they don’t have feelings. That being said, there tends to be a sort of natural consequence for excessive indulgence. 4) whether it be my physical or emotional health, spurts of obsession
Can be incredibly destructive. I will neglect many of my responsibilities [not quite responsibilities as such, since I go out of my way to possess as few obligations as possible, frequently to a pathological degree. Not sure why this is in brackets considering it’s actually one of the main bits of
fallout from 4]. In order to facilitate my less than predictable obsession schedule, I will eschew as much commitment ahead of time as possible to other activities or people. I don’t want to be respecting a promise, I want to be doing the shit my brain is telling me Has To Happen Now. Weakness maybe
That’s enough reasons for now, I’m running out of steam a bit. To loop back around to *quickly: it’s kindaaa not quite right, because I take a while to get comfy and familiar before diving in and getting completely taken away all of the sudden. Like a calm river snapping into turbulent choppy rapids
But yeah despite all the negatives it feels really stupid to want anything else. I could attempt to cultivate different desires, but why? I like not being tied down right now, and I don’t mind not having a ton of friends (I kinda prefer it). I enjoy losing myself in my passions and leaning into it.
I’d prefer not to make people around me uncomfortable if I can help it, and that’s maybe something to improve on and workshop, but I think communicating clearly and early and often can help mitigate some things. Idk, still learning. But don’t feel like intentionally attempting to change myself atm.
It’s interesting though - while more and better communication can help with many of the above, with 3 it’s basically the opposite prescription. Like sure an overall heads up is good, but I have a tendency to constantly self reflect and if I’m telling you about it all the time when I’m obsessed and