idk its not even like sadness per se, it's more like lack of purpose. i have all sorts of drives but lack the temporal and psychological resources to cultivate them properly into powers and creations in the way i'd like - and as a result i become demotivated from pursuing them.

in which case maybe the solution is, suck it up, get good, try anyway. which yea fair enough - i'm overstating the issue and i'm trapping myself to an extent.