yea absolutely, part of the point of the post was to draw attention to the distinction between my actual enjoyment and my evaluation, in a somewhat self-critical mode (of my current self’s evaluation), or at least raise suspicion

i’m still just kinda ambivalent about it all. i can appreciate the positive memories, but they’re accompanied by a twinge of sadness because of the broader context that i now see them embedded within. and i can appreciate that sadness in its own way too, but it’s not the same

in general though i’m not too keen on focusing on discrete memories or moments as a reflection of the relationship. i usually frame things through the lens of the individual and their virtues, and moments are just instantiations of their more general admirable traits.