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something i miss about life before adulthood is that i used to be able to avoid some responsibilities because of mental health issues
whether or not i enjoyed them was somewhat beside the point, they gave my suffering some sort of objective validity, and made me feel like the world wasn’t so ironclad and locked down

especially the latter was mentally liberating in the sense of being confronted with a completely alien environment and being impressed with how wide the range of human experience might be, which is maybe a little odd given the nature of the institution.
that’s not really an option any more though. the cog will continue until it breaks.