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A part in the negotiation. It’s definitely not ideal consensually. I don’t want to give the wrong idea, it’s not like I raped her. To some extent the story I told above was true, we both did want it, but she was rightfully worried about the environment.
We continued having sex even during a break, which I think was very weird and like quasi-dating. I wish I could remember more, but I don’t think that was very smart. Our communication around sex I think was always very poor in the moment, but I think we tried to talk outside of
Sexual environments and I think those were responsible. I’m not sure if it was a drastic or gradual shift, but eventually, we basically stopped having sex. I know this happened at least in college, and it’s possible before that as well. Maybe after our other break it was odd.
Regardless, she ended up feeling not good about sex, probably due to how poorly it was handled earlier. Sexuality used to be a very important part of our relationship I think, and eventually it withered into nothing. (Which obviously I am and was okay with, just finishing roles)
When we went to high school together, we kept each other company in classes, before school, and at lunch. With the structure of school gone, this regular interaction fell, and that friendship component was no longer used.
Our position with hanging out and communication was always tenuous, mostly due to my fault, so I don’t think that changed much over the years. A surprisingly steady part of the relationship.
However, I think the context of school made hanging out feel more approachable and simple. Her driving me home for us to spend time together was simple and easy. Later on, specific effort to hang out must have been made, and it wasn’t (at least on my part)
How we spent our time together was another thing. Long ago I think I just... made her watch me play Overwatch?? Which is super weird and rude lol. I guess it was just one of my only passions, and I didn’t know what else to do. Over time I would have her play, and then she would
Want to play other games. I hated that lol. I don’t know why, I just hated that so much. It wasn’t fun and I was really bored, but she enjoyed herself more and I didn’t get that. I suppose that’s pretty similar for our general interests as well.
Early on with our friend group we would hang out together, and I’m not really sure how that dynamic played out. I bet I was super cringey and weird. I don’t exactly remember how I felt about these sessions, but I think some parts I remember fondly,like the freedom of going places
In a car. But overall I think I disliked them, and would have just preferred to spend time with just gail. Which is pretty funny considering we didn’t do anything really. I must have been so insufferable.
I’ve deemed far off my original script of roles huh? Idk basically I just think that over time for a multitude of various reasons, I became less dependent on her. And this could have been fine, and could have been an opportunity for growth, but I didn’t really have anything
That I wanted to replace it with. Not only that, but over time I also wanted less to do with her. Our time together wasn’t very fun for me I don’t think, activities wise. And with no high school, I didn’t need an everyday companion, I didn’t need anyone to talk with
I had myself, and that just sort of worked. Obviously we still kept in contact and would see each other, but it wasn’t the same. We weren’t having sex anymore, or at least not consistently. I think the relationship was transactional in a lot of ways for me. In some ways I think
That’s okay though. Like if I realized what I liked or didn’t, or what I didn’t need anymore, that’s fine. The only problem is that didn’t leave anything left for her, and she needed more. And why would I do so much extra for her? I wouldn’t get anything out of it, and it’s not