And its interesting, I've been thinking less and less about dating others as well. Not that I was ever considering that in anywhere near the short term, but I think that's just sort of where your mind goes when you lose someone in that "partner" role.

So I think its fair to attribute the lessening thinking of dating others as just an extension of thinking about her as much. Alternatively, the recent focus for me around eating has maybe taken center stage and crowded out everything else, which is a little worrying.

I hope I'm not just covering up feelings with this, and that I don't deal with myself properly because of it.

I also have the urge to say again that I very much hold her in high regard, and think she's a really great person. I usually don't like to use great person without qualifying in what sense, but it feels right here. Obviously we had our issues and she wasn't perfect.

And I have previously said that most of the issues were my fault, which is probably true, but I also think I oversold it a bit. As in my personality and preferences lend themselves much less to the traditional expectations for a partner in a relationship, much less a "boyfriend"

I don't want to excuse my behavior too much though. Clearly I grew a lot during the period we were together, and a lot of that growth was probably more painful to her than to me. Then again, I was fairly forgiving and lenient with her problematic behavior for the most part,