So I think its fair to attribute the lessening thinking of dating others as just an extension of thinking about her as much. Alternatively, the recent focus for me around eating has maybe taken center stage and crowded out everything else, which is a little worrying.

I hope I'm not just covering up feelings with this, and that I don't deal with myself properly because of it.

I also have the urge to say again that I very much hold her in high regard, and think she's a really great person. I usually don't like to use great person without qualifying in what sense, but it feels right here. Obviously we had our issues and she wasn't perfect.

And I have previously said that most of the issues were my fault, which is probably true, but I also think I oversold it a bit. As in my personality and preferences lend themselves much less to the traditional expectations for a partner in a relationship, much less a "boyfriend"

I don't want to excuse my behavior too much though. Clearly I grew a lot during the period we were together, and a lot of that growth was probably more painful to her than to me. Then again, I was fairly forgiving and lenient with her problematic behavior for the most part,

which is not necessarily a good thing but I definitely didn't demand much out of her for the most part. Not that demanding is bad, its very very normalized in romantic relationships in our society and relationship anarchism is far away from that norm.