My initial emotions when thinking about this was to say fuck it and do whatever things Gail wanted from me to stay. Who cares at that point, if the alternative is between being miserable for the rest of my life and being financially insecure. Its not like the tradeoff is that bad

I would just have to do things with her that she was interested and passionate about, and remember to get her cute gifts and to communicate often. Honestly that stuff is totally acceptable and enjoyable. I think the only reason why I was struggling to do that in our relationship

was that the alternative was just taking time for myself and having that personal freedom and time to think and explore myself. That's my favorite activity in the world, so I'll obviously choose that. But if the alternative is selling out my values and long term stability,

making personal sacrifices for her is the easiest thing to do. sure, I won't enjoy it as much as her and maybe not as much as she'd like me to, but I won't be miserable.

And now I suppose I have to think about this from her perspective. Would she be interested in a relationship like that? I mean she would definitely want me to have a job, but would probably be pretty flexible with me, and I could make it up by doing the bills and housework

Going on trips and adventures and things would be frustrating probably, and because I sort of lack the genuine interest that would lose the magic that she feels in them. I could force myself, and I could act like whatever, but that shines through and isn't sustainable.