Alt Text
Show parent replies
I dropped stuff. I really hope that’s the case but my recent looking back at messages and realizing how much of an asshole makes me… worried. Really gross.
Anyway I think I was still pretty active personally while we were waiting stuff out (I even bought lube for the first time which caused a minor argument lol) and it’s not like even at our most we had sex a ton, but I just bring up bc I feel like it influenced my perception of sex
A bunch. I don’t remember how I was immediately following breakup, but I could imagine either way.
I think a big part is my changing understanding and phenomenological experience of gender (my own and others). I was more fully able to accept that I wasn’t straight and explore a bit. I think it helped dislodge my mental objectification of women’s bodies and problematics my
Attraction. The other thing is my internal understanding of gender changed a bunch, and I started to relate to / gender envy (cringe TikTok but it fits) towards women and more feminine presentation. My attraction to others is very similar if not identical to how I’d like
My own presentation to be now. Which is sorta weird thinking about it and prolly root of a lot, but I don’t know what to make of that yet.
Something related I’ll mention is a greater uncomfortably with what is presented in porn, before it was sort of conceptually understanding it was weird and bad but now it’s a lot more visceral and emotional.
Also it’s annoying to have straight porn be everywhere, and lesbian porn be super male gaze fetish, and gay porn be super aggressive, and trans porn be SUPER fetish problematic. Only stuff that escapes that is homemade and uh idk not always greatest quality.
Also I think a big part of it is just not getting involuntarily horny? Like idk if it’s that puberty is over or all the soy (lol) but yeah. I also think the non-objectification of women contributes lots. But like now it’s much more of a conscious thing where I decide to do,
Rather than get swept up by something and get motivated. Also prob helps I don’t have a nearby sexual relationship.
Anyway, it’s not really a problem, just something I noticed. I’m pretty cool w it actually, it can be messy and gross and not feeling weird after watching questionable porn is nice and so is not getting hard in public lol