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all my friends mean so much to me and it’s hard to disambiguate the feelings, there are these swirling waves and glimpses of experiences and associations that emerge and fall back into the swell again and again
it’s a very roundabout way to get there. the proximate thing is that i’m (for some inexplicable reason) exposing myself to more contemporary political content and its hopelessly dour and sad and hateful. the world is trying to make me a raz liberal, i just hate cruelty right now
and that painful energy gets weirdly funneled into the affection i feel for the ones i love
i’m so much more sensitive now, and my sphere of concern is so much tighter and more concrete. i don’t know if it’s a regression before or a progression beyond the enlightenment, probably a little of both