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the greater the distance the more i admire how insightful i was by the end of college, like i was right about all the the things to be skeptical about and resistant to, at least in terms of the anticipated affects.
i would say "the main thing i was under-prepared/experienced for was how much i could tolerate before giving in" but no, that was anticipated too and was regarded as one of the more depressing realities.
anyway, i specifically mean this with reference to something rather trivial and kind of cute. i used to basically regard it as a point of pride (or rather, that the alternative would be more regrettable) that i was untalented at my job for a variety of reasons.
and now that i have genuinely improved, i get these annoying urges and i see myself becoming more work-obsessed/interested/invested, like kasey. like "oh this guy said something wrong in an email let me correct him and provide a bunch of evidence" or go out of my way to correct things
and like it actually is much more rewarding and enjoyable on a subjective level but taking a step back the dynamics are pretty uncomfy, but i'm not really disquieted about it. i kinda wanna scrap this thread for this reason cuz like, idc, whatever
to be more specific ig, im doing work after hours on a friday and doing things beyond my required minimum bc im interested in the problem, which ig kinda happens when you have a modicum of curiosity and are actually somewhat familiar with the domain
a surprising amount of motivation can be found from "wow, you're so dumb man. it works like this." i get why kaseys like that