like what am i supposed to say? it can't be framed as like a serious intervention or disruption of what we're already doing, something akin to a breakup or taking a break or step back. because that way implies a disruption in connection that i don't really intend or desire, and even if i affirm that

directly, it's going to come across otherwise. but i think im underestimating the people i'm talking to, especially nowadays at our current age. it would probably be fine. i just also dont trust myself to articulate and that if i screw up and cause a misunderstanding, the stakes are the relationship

to quote kasey: i have to be a big girl and coordinate a mutual relationship reassessment with my situationship and speak openly about the feelings i have, even if they're conflicted/confused/not fully worked out/risky because the inevitable consequence of postponing is resentment/deterioration

the trouble is speaking openly while not being sure what honesty looks like, and i'm notoriously unreliable at working it out on the fly. but in some sense it feels necessary for it to be worked out together and not giving them the opportunity to contribute to our self-determination is bad

i mean bad practically, and it's funny because the relationships i have been more open with have found a way of working, i think im just right when ive said in the past that proximity trumps all as a precondition for interaction and as long as you maintain interaction it'll work out.

so the threat of the loss of mutual self-determination is less moral and more of a threat to break down all at once, which leaves a condition that is a lot harder to incrementally recover from proximity-wise