but even as i type that and know that to be true (not even morally but just prudentially, like it is going to cause practical and predictable issues), i still don't like actually believe it to my core in an action-guiding way. i can see that it has and will continue to cause me issues,

and that i could stand to be a lot more explicit and open about my actual mental state, but it just feels so risky and is frightening. but those aren't good reasons dude!

so i just stay quiet and try to handle that all in my head one-sidedly and it makes all interactions this veiled and confused thing that is extra stressful for me, i think i have to learn to articulate myself. it's just hard because idk what even the nature of that discussion looks like!

like what am i supposed to say? it can't be framed as like a serious intervention or disruption of what we're already doing, something akin to a breakup or taking a break or step back. because that way implies a disruption in connection that i don't really intend or desire, and even if i affirm that

directly, it's going to come across otherwise. but i think im underestimating the people i'm talking to, especially nowadays at our current age. it would probably be fine. i just also dont trust myself to articulate and that if i screw up and cause a misunderstanding, the stakes are the relationship

to quote kasey: i have to be a big girl and coordinate a mutual relationship reassessment with my situationship and speak openly about the feelings i have, even if they're conflicted/confused/not fully worked out/risky because the inevitable consequence of postponing is resentment/deterioration