Someone in class today is wearing the cutest shit that’s giving me so much euphoria envy shit Pink sweater - textured, not turtle neck but some bigger looser neck thing idk, slits on the base sides that girls have Black leggings White girls boots - not clunky very slim

Messy hair tied in the back but front still hanging around

Genuinely adorable I want to look like them so bad

Everyone confuses meta ethics and normative ethics and it makes discussions worthless

Lmao my teacher introduced Hume as a “pudgy guy” or something

How to self harm without leaving lasting damage that I’ll be annoyed with later

Gonna find a rubber band

I could probably have time to bleed out for a few days before anyone came to check

Can I just die for a little bit

Desperately want to stay home for a week to figure my shit out

I went for a walk/run 5 mi feel like fucking shit

I’m so fucking erratic I wanna die lol

Today was the strongest inclinations I’ve had to purge lol I still really want to this fucking sucks I hate myself so much

haha binge binge binge binge binge binge binge hahahahahhahahaha

disgusting fucking ugly i hate myself

Idk why I’m feeling really intense discomfort, it really sucks.

Think it’s a combo of anti social vibes and just really really not feeling like being perceived that way today

Speaking of gender expression, I sure hate mine today :D

"Gender expression is an important part of every person's identity, and it's inborn - not something we choose." from Jacob's New Dress. bruh nah can we stop with this shit how would that even work. ah yes before i was introduced to culturally contingent modes of gender expression

i knew what was right for me lol fuck off. also! its not necessarily important to every person's identity wtfffff stoppppp

listening to the audiobook for start here, start now by liz kleinrock and its mostly really good but fuck man youth liberation again is a huge missing thing i feel. like often its so so so mcuh better than anything else ive read but now were at a section where shes saying things

like "oh its so unfortunate that kids dont tell there parents what theyre doing during class" and like BRUH ??? youre not obligated to communicate with them?? thats so weird dude. and then further talking about going around students and telling parents and its like oh my god what

like what the fuck dude. she literally had to remind the audience about not breaking student rights which are never invoked because theyre so miniscule like dude no dude please what the fuck thats so fucked

finishing prison by any other name, still budget foucault, but has some good recent data, desperately desperately needs youth liberation frame

like lmao this is infuriating

its just too apparent what the target audience is

also like they cite great people talking about the state explicitly but just gloss over it lmao

why are you like this

lmao they keep saying things like "challenging capitalism" or "this problem won't go away until capitalism is destroyed" and then just advocate social democracy

*doesn't mention hierarchy all book and in fact often appeals to hierarchy or violations of hierarchy as injustice multiple times* oh now its a problem guys i wont tell you how tho teehee lmao

spicy lib theory is like: alright what if we throw 20 different theoretical frameworks together that are generally in the same direction what could go wrong?

"ive heard some woke people use this i should too, what do you mean its a problem if i dont understand it?"

Absurd contradictory and rapidly shifting emotional states tn

Why did I go to talk despite feel meh? Enjoy night time city walk? Hyper from good song? Gender shit? Sexuality shit? Feel good about appearance for no reason? But also disgusting about? Unbelievably tired? Idk I hate it

I just wanna have a little break time I feel overwhelmed and sad

“UW Madison recognizes the inherent sovereignty of the Ho-Chunk nation” bruh what I’m so confused how does that work what does that do. I mean good that you talk about colonialism before talks but what materially does that do

90% old white ppl btw

I hate photographers

also idk definition of dissociating exactly but i felt very alienated from my body in class this morning, like looking at my hand and feeling like it was outside me and the sensations like abstracted away from me. ig doesnt help that i read that one anti-civ poetry thing

the other day that was like breaking things down individual parts and sensations. idk how explain and dont have energy

https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/julian-langer-becoming-animal-my-feral-individualism beautiful and interesting writing, political social perspective i disagree but anticiv anarchoindividualists have their shit worked out when it comes to personal fulfillment

8485 purgatory +oakscreen (slowed + reverb) loop loop loop loop yeah i know zoomer depression cope dont care B) https://youtu.be/TS77SOm1yao

days like these are when i really miss having in-person physically intimate relationships :( very comforting to me

Saw someone unironically appeal to leviathan as justification for the state lmao there’s just no way yikes forever

Numb day, oddly enjoyable, everything muted

It’s actually depressing how much of modern feminism is retributive and carceral.

im so fucking tired i think im gonna skip class. no sleep, no food, exercised in the rain 2nd day in a row, intellectually burned out from grinding weekend and trying to also keep up personal interests :(

holy fuck i forgot how frustrating and uncomfortable makeup makes me lmfao. every time i try its like FUCK NO OH GOD THEY DID THAT??/ HOW DOES THAT WORK??? HOW CAN YOUR EYES JUST BE OKAY WITH THAT

fuck its so pretty but its so so scary lol

every time im like this will be cool and fun! and then 45 mins later i feel like im gonna throw up and put it away again so sad