oops misinterpreted

not everything about me

“i wonder what’s going on with despera these days” “ah, same old”

i’m bustin out of this hole breakin out and breakin in i’ve got an evil soul rippin shit with a wicked grin i know my enemies everyone who’s not like me ya, what the fuck is sense of pride shut yer mouths and live yer lives

youtu.be/GCr8on8ta5Q youtu.be/cy5apuLhOoc youtu.be/JizI80qZFY0

despite its appearance, it’s important to me that i wouldn’t describe my state last night as reflective, it was rather emoting through the formulation of words, which was pretty clarifying and nice

where i direct my gaze is significant, looking out is better than looking in or looking back right now

violet evergsrden was not that good and my impression only got worse over time

picking the appropriate medium for thought is a difficult skill but i think i’m getting better at choosing

as in form, not necessarily venue. one battle at a time u know

blehh’s unenthusiasm is genuinely thrilling

these new drops have been incredible

i can’t think of anything i’d less rather do

the last visit was valuable in its own way but nah no thanks not again

i hate proximity management and i am very bad at it

i don’t know what i want and i don’t know what’s good for me but it probably has something to do with how close i am to you

it frustrates me that my distance from others allows them to grow in ways i have no influence on. that sounds like an impulse to dictate and control and i’m unsure if there’s a read that gets me out of that conclusion, or if it’s even a bad thing

“i miss you” isn’t something that’s felt worth saying for several months at this point. it just doesn’t fit in my mouth correctly. in a way where i might spit it out to expel it, but i wont be satisfied with myself

i’m not interested in some deep connection, i’m not interested in some fortuitous path-crossing, i’m not interested in casual conversation, i’m not interested in the delicate and hallowed intermittence at arms-length

i know something i appreciate right now is something akin to “life partnership”, if you’ll allow the phrase. the perfunctory, unremarkable everyday, the soft and persistent presence, the comfortable familiarity, the minor missteps and reorientations, the mutual support through turbulence

i won’t say that hailey and i have this, but the time there was emblematic of a type of cohabitation that i have in mind that i very much appreciate, and that is very difficult for me to emulate

i mention hailey rather than the more obvious kasey because i think it brings the point into focus much more

comfortably forlorn, you know the drill. it ain’t that bad and i’m not disturbed, it’ll work out

i’ll see you soon juliet

it wasn’t love or lust, just a sunday afternoon where two lonely people met and they licked each others wounds

i wouldn’t call that a pitiful pursuit

this was me riffing on “imitation intimacy” by the way because maniac released their cover

bit of a sour note to end on

blegh just wait for time to pass ig

self-deprecating power pop

behind the pompous diminutive presentation is the same old story of artists creating beauty beyond their comprehension

in other words, i’m a fan of the beths but not elizabeth stokes

i bet she’s personally pretty cool tho

i forgot my coffee

because i never have coffee

if i take a lunch break today ill get it from my car

that lovely inevitable contingency

j** finding annie and dinah is bizarre internected hellworld

watching a project manager work on 3 separate powerpoints on 3 separate monitors, that’s powerful

this guy gave us pokémon cards yesterday reflective our of personalities and i got lucario

still have it in my wallet today

this episode on: gimlet-eyed realism or protestant guilt

(see, it’s funny because i’m doing it right now)

honestly it was really sweet being called layla

i’ve been too cynical with my danii retrospectives

that’s not unique to danii though, i desperately want to avoid exculpatory or congratulatory self-deception, so i more eagerly endorse its opposite