Alt Text
gah the cringe it hurts
wish I could get back into reading, but I don’t even have the energy to leave my bed after getting home from work nowadays
kinda wild that class reductionism nonsense can still be so popular in so many circles. Ig single axis of analysis makes everything nice and tidy, also makes you a moron
give it a few more days I’ll be back to being more rested
Jordan seems really cool and I love when he joins Oli in screaming, and compositionally he seems very competent… but I really dislike the direction BMTH has gone with him and I miss the vibe w Jona so much. Obv its a lil unclear how much can be attributed to Jordan, since their sound was always
1 repliesmoving around all the time, but I think there was a definite shift after his inclusion + it’s clear that the tracks he has more impact in are less compelling. I know it’s played out to complain about sound shift, and I won’t discount everything that came after by any means, but it would have
1 repliesBut hey, honestly at least they’re not like other emo kid bands around the time that have since stagnated and died harrrrd. Gotta respect the drive and passion and creativity, even if I wish they would be more willing to lean a more heavy direction more often
too many damn light switches in my apt
lol whyd i say “Ollie”, ig autocorrect
Oops I scuffed grammar - not fixing tho I was out of characters. Also pretty sure I posted abt this before it’s just bothering me again
My linguistic and conceptual repertoire is painfully limited.
All felt and thought by humans > things codified into language > words reasonably available to contemporary me (not lost to time/location/region locked) > exclusive English fluency > words I’ve been exposed to > vocabulary I maintain
2 repliesIt’s actually pretty frustrating, humiliating, anxiety inducing
I have my nitpicks but overall it’s clearly resonant and lodged in my brain
Not quite sure how to evaluate whether or not it’s something I’d like to change. It causes problems for sure: 1) I don’t meet the consistency requirements most people have for significant relationships in their lives. I can still care about or love someone but if I’m at a phase in my cycles where
1 repliesI’m not obsessing/infatuated/excited by/fixating on them, they can often feel neglected or frustrated. The alternative seems incredibly difficult though, if I’m not currently super interested in you, why force it? It doesn’t mean I love you any less, I’ve just got other stuff right now.
1 repliesWhich is related to 2) I can burn out pretty quickly. I’ll be obsessed with a thing for a short burst, where it’s all consuming and my life and thoughts revolve around that thing, and then one day I’ll decide “ok I’ve had enough of that for now” and there’s not always a follow-up thing to replace it
1 replies3) On the flip side, it can be super off-putting to be on the receiving end of so much attention all at once. It’s obsessive, it’s uncomfortable, it’s too much pressure and responsibility. And once the spell breaks and my cyclical obsession lapses, it can make 1) all the more confusing and hurtful.
1 repliesClearly this one doesn’t really matter for hobbies I get attached to, since they usually don’t care too much, as they don’t have feelings. That being said, there tends to be a sort of natural consequence for excessive indulgence. 4) whether it be my physical or emotional health, spurts of obsession
1 repliesCan be incredibly destructive. I will neglect many of my responsibilities [not quite responsibilities as such, since I go out of my way to possess as few obligations as possible, frequently to a pathological degree. Not sure why this is in brackets considering it’s actually one of the main bits of
1 repliesfallout from 4]. In order to facilitate my less than predictable obsession schedule, I will eschew as much commitment ahead of time as possible to other activities or people. I don’t want to be respecting a promise, I want to be doing the shit my brain is telling me Has To Happen Now. Weakness maybe
1 repliesThat’s enough reasons for now, I’m running out of steam a bit. To loop back around to *quickly: it’s kindaaa not quite right, because I take a while to get comfy and familiar before diving in and getting completely taken away all of the sudden. Like a calm river snapping into turbulent choppy rapids
1 repliesBut yeah despite all the negatives it feels really stupid to want anything else. I could attempt to cultivate different desires, but why? I like not being tied down right now, and I don’t mind not having a ton of friends (I kinda prefer it). I enjoy losing myself in my passions and leaning into it.
1 repliesI’d prefer not to make people around me uncomfortable if I can help it, and that’s maybe something to improve on and workshop, but I think communicating clearly and early and often can help mitigate some things. Idk, still learning. But don’t feel like intentionally attempting to change myself atm.
1 repliesIt’s interesting though - while more and better communication can help with many of the above, with 3 it’s basically the opposite prescription. Like sure an overall heads up is good, but I have a tendency to constantly self reflect and if I’m telling you about it all the time when I’m obsessed and
1 repliesyou’re not into it, that’s just even more creepy and obnoxious. Idk it’s hard to make patterns given my small sample size so maybe some things are unique to specific past relationships and the issue won’t arise in the same way again. All this to say I haven’t figured it out yet. Sorry future fps uwu
Much to my dismay, I enjoy many aspects of my job
This actually makes me a bit sad. I remember watching recordings of older bmth shows where Ollie would goad the audience to come touch him, and security would try and fail to keep the horde at bay. Here he kinda just wanders around and high fives some ppl.
2 repliesAlso obv it’s difficult to work with tracks like Drown lmao, but I’ve seen similar attempts with older tracks and the reaction is pretty muted, it’s just not the fan base they’ve cultivated anymore
I slept less than 3 hours last night, and I feel something less and more than tired rn. I already napped and my eyes feel shadow pain behind and underneath them, like it’s in my bones. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I’m having. It’s not tiredness or fatigue, it just feels really bad.🤕
yeowch neck hurty
Good luck bonding over mutual interests with someone whose passions are so transient, whose fixation is so overbearing, whose engagement with community oscillates from exclusively observational to outright rejection with no in between.
No one has better music taste than my past self - who else could have such bangers just waiting to be shuffled through?
Critical support for the C-suite exec posting “This looks good. A lot of great information.” in the chat while the call is reviewing the work I did that he absolutely does not understand lmao
still can’t believe my employer has gotten away with posting orientalism on main for like a decade, like people have to show up to that building every day man
Attempting to explain Halimede to the uninitiated is more difficult than I thought it would be lol
What makes for bad marketing material is not necessarily useless for existential orientation or imaginative exploration, or even just conceptual tidiness